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    Home Β» Family Encouragement

    Experiencing Grief and Saying Goodbye

    Published: Mar 25, 2014 Β· Modified: Oct 10, 2020 by Candi Elm

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    Experiencing Grief A personal Story of a Loss of a Parent (1)

    This post has been updated since 2014. Today is the anniversary of my Fathers passing. I love and miss you dearly, Dad. 

    Saying goodbye to a loved one? You can never be prepared. On March 16th, 2014,  I had to say goodbye to my dad. He was 80 years old and not in the best of health, but I thought he was invincible. I thought he was coming home from the hospital.

    Remembering My Father: A Personal Story of Love and Loss

    In the past, he had survived a heart attack,  a stint in an artery, prostate cancer, a recent major car accident and more. My dad was a survivor. He never took a sick day that I remember in his life. He once had a hernia operation and went to back to work limping, he wanted to show everyone how strong he was.

    Experiencing Grief and saying goodbye. A personal Story of a Loss of a Parent (1)

     

    Experiencing Grief and Saying Goodbye

    My dad was born in 1933 in Huntington, West Virginia. He married my mom in 1954. They would have been married for 60 years this April 2014. They had two daughters. I don’t know if he regretted not having any boys, but he got two sons in law, and 3 grandsons and two granddaughters.

    He fought in the golden gloves and served in the Korean War and was in the Army and Navy reserves. My dad was a server. He had a good work ethic. He owned an auto repair business for over 50 years. He wanted to provide quality service at fair prices. He worked hard for his family. My dad was a provider.

    I was not as close to my dad as I was my mom, but he was the strength of our family. We didn’t always talk, but I saw him often and my husband worked with him daily. Even at 80 years old he went to work every day with his oxygen. My mom wanted him to retire but we knew that was what was keeping him alive. My dad was determined.

    My dad was a member of AA. He had 38 years of sobriety. He was not a religious person but he was saved. He had his support group from all his friends in AA, as others might have from their church. The last year of his life, he was very week and had trouble breathing. His friends called him daily to check in on him.  He had a hard time talking so it was always a quick call. He would tell anyone who would listen about his adventures in life and that he hadn’t had a drink in 38 years. He loved to tell jokes and loved all kinds of people. He helped many people in AA and was a very generous person with his time and money.  My dad was a friend.

    Read: How to Help Others Going Through A Loss

    In the last 5 months I have had many friends lose a loved one, and after the service, the rest of us go on. But what about the people who lose their loved one? That’s when the pain really begins. The phone calls stop. The food deliveries stop. Many people don’t even know how to talk about it so they don’t ever call. I was one of those people.  Planning a funeral is a lot of work, the details are unreal. The cost is astronomical. When are you supposed to grieve? When everyone goes on with their lives and you are stuck with all the pain and alone, how do you go on?

    I hope I am a changed person by this loss. I hope I am a little more sensitive to others needs. When I say “can I do anything”, I hope I just do it and not wait. I have found that the cards we received are a comfort when we are alone. It also helps when you may have forgotten in your grief who came by to spend time with you.

    Dad, I want you to know that you were a great father. You were loved by all. You were always there when I needed a shoulder to cry on or when I needed advice. I will take care of mom and think of you always. My dad was loved.

    Thank you for letting me share my grief this time. This post is off my normal topics, but one I couldn’t go without. Please let me know in the comments something you learned or was helpful during your loss of a loved one.

    If you need some encouragement, read more here:

    5 Tips to Be Good To Yourself with Self Care

    Living With Depression 

    10 Activities for Self Care on a Budget 


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    Family Encouragement Dad, death, Loved one

    About Candi Elm

    Candi Elm is a wife and mom who shares how you can simply create a sweet life with weekly encouragement, recipes, household budgeting, and organizing tips. She currently lives in Southern California while blogging, baking, and living life to the fullest.

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    1. Jessica @eatsleepbe says

      March 25, 2014 at 5:03 pm

      What a beautiful, thoughtful tribute to your father. I am so very sorry for your loss, though it sure does sound like you have learned something from it as you had hoped.

      Reply
      • Candi says

        April 04, 2014 at 2:48 am

        Thanks for your thoughts. I hope I have become more sensitive to others.
        My recent post Carrot Cake Cupcake Recipe

        Reply
    2. Carole says

      March 25, 2014 at 2:42 pm

      Candi: I'm so sorry for your loss. I do understand what you are going through. I lost my father a year ago this past January (so 15 months ago) and even now, as I write this comment to you, my eyes are welling with tears. I don't know how you recover from the loss of a loved one. Maybe you never do. Maybe you just go on.
      My recent post Make Your Own Kind of Music

      Reply
      • Candi says

        April 04, 2014 at 2:47 am

        I think I am still in shock, even though he was sick, I thought he would live much longer. Thanks for your kind words.
        My recent post Carrot Cake Cupcake Recipe

        Reply
    3. Karen says

      March 26, 2014 at 3:35 am

      Sending ((((HUGS))) n condoles to you and your family, so sorry to hear this πŸ™ I find talking to a good friend helps than keeping things bottled up. Grief is very hard. Each day is a new day to keep moving forward. Take time for yourself. My BIL passed a yr. ago Mar 2103, n my grandmother passed Dec 2013. Its been hard trying to deal w it all, but the memories n love sure do help a lot πŸ™‚

      Reply
      • Candi says

        April 04, 2014 at 2:49 am

        I still grieve my grandmother my dads mom from 1997. I recently found a book she wrote and left, I can't seem to read it yet. I am still in shock over my dad. Thanks for the kind words.
        My recent post Carrot Cake Cupcake Recipe

        Reply
    4. L. D. B. Taylor says

      April 01, 2014 at 4:00 pm

      Lovely words for your father Candi, and I'm so sorry for your loss. I've lost my father, my much loved grandmother, and my step-father – it's hard moving on, those little things which remind you of them everyday sad yet comforting. It sounds like your dad was a wonderful man. Blessings to you and your family!
      My recent post Admissions

      Reply
      • Candi says

        April 04, 2014 at 2:50 am

        Thanks Lisa, I know it will get easier in time. It is still a shock to me.
        My recent post Carrot Cake Cupcake Recipe

        Reply
    5. Shelley says

      April 02, 2014 at 3:09 am

      I'm sorry sorry for your loss, Candi. I lost my mother recently & know how painful it can be & how hard it is to write about it. I don't know if this ever really goes away, but the memories can be a comfort. My grandmother passed away many years ago & I still think of her all the time, but the memories make me smile.

      Reply
      • Candi says

        April 04, 2014 at 2:52 am

        Thanks Shelley, I am sorry for your loss too. I guess it will take a while and different phases to go through.
        My recent post Carrot Cake Cupcake Recipe

        Reply

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